Wednesday, February 25, 2015

The darkest...

I feel like I have mush inside me right now. Everything is upside down once again. I know there is a plan. 

There is always a plan. God does not always tell me he plan though and that is the hard part. I have not gone to him with this as I should have. 

I would feel an whole lot less like mush if I had. I was talking to a friend today about depression getting ahold of you and not letting go. She pointed out that it starts as depression but it is despair that really gets you. 

The enemy takes a fear and plays it up and makes it worse. That fear leads you to depression which leads you away from God and then that depression falls into despair leads you into a dark place where God is not. 

However. Let's not forget that God can shine a bright light into the darkest place. I am asking him to shine a light for me now and I know he will. 


Sunday, February 22, 2015

Crazy... You can't make this up.

You know that place your brain goes when something happens. That crazy oh my gosh why did this happen place. Well if you know that place then you know exactly how I feel right now. 

This moment I feel blinding panic of what is going to happen. I do also happen to be feeling a calmness that is at odds with my freak-out side. 

Why, you make ask?  Well the answer is simple. Our one income family may have just lost that income through no fault of our own. 

My husbands work burned to the ground tonight. At least that is the information that we have currently. There was a small fire than turned into a raging can't put it out fire, we are just waiting for the roof to collapse fire. 

I absolutely believe that God uses all things. That said I am still feeling fearful of the immediate future.  Oh I absolutely know my amazing man will find a job as quick as he can. I am just worried about the immediate future. 

The immediate needs like this next paycheck was for rent. How does that get paid, etc. 

I just feel overwhelmed I think right now. It is not as bad as it could have been. I mean really he could have been in the building. The serious blessing is that no one was hurt. 

There are several people out of work as of 10pm on the 22nd.  They and their families need prayer. 


Wednesday, February 11, 2015


Life I noticed just seems to go on despite happiness, sadness, excitement, or bereavement. It just goes on. Day by day. It doesn't matter what your previous was, the next happens. And , so on and so forth. Some days you think you won't survive, and I think for some people some weeks, months and even years you think you won't make it through.

There are moments you feel like a complete and utter failure as a person, as a wife as mother. There are days even where you fail at these. But again, life goes on. You move forward from being a failure. The  only hope there is from that moment, is that you learned a little something or maybe a big something. 

So will life be good or bad. I think it varies for everyone. Some have long years of wonderful and some have long years of awful. Some people have a mixture, so have neither. Life just is. Be it good or bad. 

So for me, I guess what I will try to do is this:

Be the best I can be
Forgive myself and others for failures
Love God