Sunday, August 10, 2014

Sadness...buried deep.

The sadness has apparently seeped into my soul. I now can say I cry in my sleep. My thoughts on this; are that the heartbreak of this miscarriage was deep. It was immeasurable.  It is painful. It is not addressed during the day most days as I am trying to be normal for myself and my children.

However, when something is buried deep. it still exists and must surface somehow or it will become a permanent scarring. I do not want that. I want to heal from this. I want to move on and it not make me cry or my eyes well with tears at the mere thought of our miscarriage.

Today, we were at our small group and a question was asked. What area in your life do you need the gospel. My answer was trusting in Gods plan no matter how it hurts when things don't turn out the way you expect them too. I should have elaborated but I couldn't. I was already just at those simple words nearly sobbing. 

I want to be able to talk about it without it feeling like my soul is shattering at the mere mention of it. This will take time I know. But I don't want to hurt anymore. 

May God surround me with his mercy and peace during this grieving time for me. 

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