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Saturday, August 9, 2014

Quiet of the Night

Today was better. The hurt was not so unrelenting. There were only glimpses of the awful emptiness where a baby should be.
The mention of a due date. Yea that hurt.  The discussion of pregnancy dreams.  That hurt too.  
I tried to shake it off. I am relying on Gods plan for me.  This is happening as part of his plan. I believe that wholeheartedly. 

I wish though it didn't hurt so much. I really wish it didn't.  

It's the quiet of night that I love and rail against.  The quiet is when the pain peeks through the cracks of my strength and hope.   When it rears it's hopeless feeling, it's searing heat, it's burning pain. It is when it feels like my heart will burst. 

It is when the tears that refuse fall, the ones that leave me numb inside, aching with a heartache that cannot be fixed finally fall. The drench my face and my pillow that muffles the screaming inside. 

Even in those moments as painful as they are.  I know. God has a plan.   

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