Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Finality and Journey's End..

There are moments in life, where you must be strong when you really feel weak. Then there are moments when you think you should feel weak but feel sure and strong. It is interesting how that occurs. I find it interesting too, that when one partner is weak the other seems strong. It is lovely how God makes that work for us. 

A very long journey for us has come to an end. It is final. It is done. The journey for a doctorate has ended. It has not completed as expected. It has simply come to a quiet but final stop. It is heart-breaking for me to see my husband's dream to be a doctor end so incompletely. To watch anyone lose their dream they have struggled years to achieve it hard to see, it is harder still to see someone you love so much, lose so completely. 

I personally don't feel a loss. It is however not my dream, it never was. I was never wrapped up in the doctor thing. It not happening in completion is not a hardship for me. Yes, the loans will come due and yes we will struggle for many years due to those payments that come, that we will not have 'doctor money' to pay, but as far as the status or whatever, it matters not. 

I love my husband. Deeply. Throughly. Strongly. I love him the same today as I did yesterday and all the years before. I don't know if he understands that to me, this was just something he was going to do for a living. He is who he is who regardless of this. 

I hurt for him. I wish I could take away how he is feeling at this moment. It is however something he must work through on his own. I can only stand next to him and be there when he needs me. If he needs me. He is a strong man, a secure man. A Godly man. He will come out of this stronger still. 

In the meantime. The path we have been on for years has come to a curve in the path. We have been heading in a fairly straight line towards a certain something for years, now the curve and change will come. What it will bring, I do not know.

I know only one thing for certain. God is in control, he has a plan and he loves us. Completely. 

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