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Saturday, January 4, 2014

Depression.

Depression is something I battle with. If there are those that read this, that have this same battle then you know how hard it is to function sometimes and yet I must. Every Single Day. 

Depression is like a dense fog that you cannot see your way out of. The fog is so very dense, you want to just close your eyes and rest and hope the fog recedes on it's own. That rarely happens, but that is exactly what you want to do every day. Getting out of bed is a chore, eating is a chore, getting dressed is a chore, leaving the house often near impossible. 

Functioning to the base minimum takes supreme effort. I am depressed right now, but I get up every day, I fed my kids, I read to them, I school them, I play with them. I take them outside to play, but it takes everything I have to do these things. I am tired all the time, not just tired but bone tired. 

I usually feel alone, silent standing far from shore. I want to wade to shore but the effort seems just to much. I want to scream that I am alone on this shore, but my voice is quiet unable to make a sound. 

Do I take pills for this,  yes I do. It is that hard, but pills can't beat back all depression. Sometimes depression is just so intense that pills can't create a balance where none exists, The pills are what allow me to function to the high level I do amonst the dreary battle of hopelessness that fills me. 

I am a christian, a follower of Christ, of Jesus of the One true God. Because I am I choose to not accept that I am beaten by this depression. I choose not to allow it swallow me whole. I stand against it. Yes, some days I have to let it be but other days I stand and fight. I swim towards the shore, because my God is stronger than this. He is stronger than anything and with his help I can beat this. 

I write this in hopes that perhaps there are those that fight depression like me, it helps to hear you are not alone and you truly are not. It will not defeat you. I stand for you, I pray for all those that are like me and fight this seemingly hopeless hard battle of emotions that defeat you. I pray for each of you. You may not believe in God and that is okay, you don't have to. I believe in him, and so do many others likely someone you know, and all those are praying for your healing. 

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