For such a state to occur, it is not a simple one time occurance of an event. This kind of cruelty takes a while to develop, expand and encircle you. It does however leave you wondering what you did to be put in such a place.
Forgiveness in discussion with this particular situation for me has been a long road. A road I thought I had traveled down. One that I thought I seen in all its glory. I thought I had beaten this. I had reached out and accepted what happened to me. I had embraced it as the past. I had forgiven for what had occured.
I had not.
Forgiveness though I am learning is not a one time affair in a situation such as I was put in. It is a daily choice, until eventually it becomes a true forgiveness where what occured is the past and no longer causes pain.
So.. Today I choose forgiveness. Tomorrow I will choose it and every day after that until it becomes true. Until I can say. I have forgiven, I don't have to make a choice, it is not longer part of my daily process.
I will pray each day for God to guide me in my path of forgiveness, of the choice of not letting the history of hurt control my actions and reactions.