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Saturday, July 20, 2013

The one constant in my life

If I have one constant in my life, it is change. I think I may have written about this very fact before. It does however warrant another mention to my mind. It seems to me just when I get good and settled into a routine, it must change. 

My life such as it is has been one long changing motion for years now. When I met my dear and wonderful husband, I was not a fan of change. In fact, I will go as far as to say I hated it. I hated any change good or bad. At the very same time, when I knew change was coming I wanted it over and done with. I did not want to wait for it, as  you often have to. I did not embrace change at all. 

I cannot say I embrace it now either. I am however adept at accepting it. Life has been ever changing for years now. I can't say I like it all that well most days. I have begun to see the merit in good changes though. I even sometimes can see the merit in not so good changes. 

There is another changing blowing in the winds of my life right now. I am not yet ready to embrace it or even accept it. I am working towards that, simply by the act of writing in this blog. This particular change brings some serious challenges to mind. I am not ready to say what that change is, but rest assured it is a very challenging one. It is a change that will affect daily life. It will affect my entire family. It will affect how we go about our routines. 

I must embrace it. I must accept it. It is something that will occur, that must occur. 


Thursday, July 18, 2013

It's about to get interesting...

Life, if is isn't interesting enough for us, is about to get even more interesting. Mr. O will be returning to medical school it appears. We are waiting for the final okay from his school, but it looks like a go. I am very glad on one hand. I know he loves medicine. I feel like he is supposed to be a doctor. Everyone seems to feel that way. I want this for him. 

To that end, I will do what I have to do to make this happen for him. However, I will also admit I am nervous, very nervous. We have talked and made some very hard decisions on what path we must take to allow him to study and really get the stuff into his head so that he may pass step 2. It entails him leaving and staying with a friend in California for 2 months. How will I survive. I know I have done it before but it was awful last time. 

I just have to buck up, and embrace it. I know that. I guess this blog is me doing just that. I will miss him but it is really not that long in the scheme of our life. The girls will miss him, especially V I think. However, what must be done well it must be done. 

We won't have daily contact so that on days I am having a seriously bad day, he won't know about it. It won't throw him off mentally. That is why we are having him go so far away to start with. I won't be able to call him home and he can stay focused on what he needs to be focused on: school. Our family will adjust to this. 

I will say that while money has been tighter than ever lately, I have enjoyed the normalcy of him coming home every night. I have not had to deal with call or him being out of town on a rotation or any of the other lovely stuff that comes with working in a hospital. I have throughly enjoyed our normal life. I knew it would not last though, which I guess is why I have enjoyed it so much. Beneath it all, I knew he would return. 

So once we get the final okay, our medical journey begins anew. Those that pray, please add us to your prayer list. 

Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Blessed.

Three kids.. Who knew. Well obviously God did. It seems like so much change has happened in my life in the last 8 years. When I review my life, it does not even resemble what it did 8 years ago. It is quite amazing to me, just how much change has occured. 

I certainly never imagined 10 years ago, that at 39 I would have just given birth to my third child and be living in Texas again with the love of my life. I never expected I would have three amazing little girls who fill my heart with such joy. I had no clue that being a mommy would fulfill me in a way nothing else ever has. 

I had no idea that I would be so in love with my husband of 7 years. That my heart would still flutter when I see him. That cuddling next to him in the mornings would be such a wonderful feeling. I did not know that having him come over and love on me would still mean so very much to me. 

Sometimes difficulty I know arises because there is a greater plan. That you pass through the fire to accept or to even choose the path that God wants you on. It does not make it easy that is a fact, however it is easier to see it when you are lookin for it. 

I would have never imagined when I got divorced all those years ago, that it would lead me to this place and this time with three beautiful children and an amazing man that I call husband. 

Regardless of the finances, I am blessed. 

Sunday, July 7, 2013

Birth, plus a whole lot more..

Birth... It was a life changer when done the way God intended. I am so proud of myself that I did it without once whining about going to the hospital. Granted, even if I had. I would still be proud of me. It was not easy, but it was empowering and life-changing. I feel stronger somehow for doing it. It is hard to describe but like I am more capable somehow.

D is 16 days old now. We had some issues with nursing due to really bad cracked bleeding nipples. Oh man, it took dedication to keep nursing. On top of that, each time I nursed was the awful horrible afterpains. They were in my lower uterus and in the groove of the muscles in my thighs and knees. Heat helped but at first we had no heating pad. Only through serious belief and dedication to nursing did we make it past that week. Every latch was painful, and every session seemed to last forever and be full of pain. 

I have to say it was the hardest time I have had nursing. I have a friend that put it like this though. With your first child, you have done all the reading and are very careful about getting that good latch. You pay very close attention. With your second child, you a little less focused on that latch because you have another child to focus on, oops bad latch. Third child, yea a lot less focused on that latch because you now have TWO other children to focus on too.. and so on.. The more children themore likelihood of a bad latch AND I agree with her. 

Now I am going to address an issue which is mostly taboo and not really talked about. Hemmoroids. Holy Canoli, those are un-fun. They are common after childbirth. They make an already unhappy area, even harder to deal with. They are so painful. I developed a rather nasty one about two days after D was born. I ended up in ER for the pain, and while they were not overly helpful in that area. They did give me a prescription to help constrict the blood flow to shrink it to make it not so painful. Anyone that has to deal with this issue has my sympathies. It is one of those things that others go through but don't talk about. 

I do have to say though, that this recovery from childbirth has been my best yet. I often feel so good I forget that I am still recovering from childbirth and then do too much. I really need to just remember I gave birth two weeks ago. I remember just fine when I have done too much. 

With D being 16 days old, and having a 4 plus year old and a 2 plus year old. I am tired. a lot. They are a lot of work, but they are amazing little people. I would not change being a momma for anything. I will admit there are days, when I would gladly drop them off for the day and go get my nails done. I believe having those moments and following through though, just makes me able to deal with the days all the better. It makes me have more patience and understanding for my children when I am not completely emptied out of self-care. 

I will admit I forgot how much work a newborn is. I am used to having two littles that can do a lot on their own. Heck even my youngest decided she was potty trained when D was born. That was amazing and awesome all by itself. So I only have one in diapers. However, one that must be changed 20 times a day it feels like. I admit I got used to not washing poop out of diapers because V started going in the potty several weeks before D was born. L of course is old hat at the potty. 

Life is still not easy for us. Financially it is perhaps the hardest it has ever been for me as an adult. However, God always provides for us and I know he will continue to do so. For those that pray, please keep us in your prayers as we need them. 

There are a few more things that have changed but I will address them later. I did also want to say thank you to each and every person who has sent help to us. We are grateful, immensely so. 



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