Pages

Monday, August 29, 2011

Introspective

It has been a while since I wrote. Our life is always busy. I am learning to go with the flow with rotations. I am learning to embrace call rather than fight it. I will admit I don't like being away from my honey but I learning there are things I can do when I am away and be okay with it. I have learned that I am so much more capable than I ever thought I was.

It seems silly to not know that, yet I did not. I never in a million years would have thought myself capable of taking care of two kids and the house, the shopping etc by myself. I can do a lot without help, not to say I won't accept help but I can do more than I ever imagined without it.

I love being a mommy so much more than I ever even imagined I would, yet it is hard work. The hardest. The constant interaction, the lack of sleep, the fixer of owies, the fighting to referee (starts so much earlier than I thought), the hugs, the kisses, the explanations of what things are, what word goes to this, the questions about things. It is very rewarding but hard I must say. That said, I would not trade it for the world.

Med School takes so much of Daddy's time. Explaining to the oldest that Daddy is at work, all the time sometimes is hard. She wants to call him sometimes and I have to explain that he is at work and we can't talk to him, she does not understand that she can't even call him. She will see him and be able to talk to him when he gets home. However, sometimes that is a day later than when she wanted to see her Daddy. Sometimes I hear L tell our youngest V, that Daddy is at work. It is hard to explain how much I wish for him to be here for her when she wants him, these days of her childhood are passing so fast and will be gone in the blink of an eye. I want him to experience all the wonders that comes with it, but yet he will miss so very much. I try to take pictures but even seeing the picture is not like witnessing the cuteness or the solemn moment that the kids provide.

I wish I could say that I am always okay with how things are for us. I cannot say that. I am trying to be the most understanding I can be, but some days when I don't have enough sleep or the kids are acting out or they are cranky, the days when I am cranky. I cannot say I am okay or understanding. I can only hope on those days that my DH is understanding of me and my mood.

Things are ever changing. So this life that we have right now will change. Med school will end, He will graduate. He will become a Resident. He will become an Attending. The kids will grow. They will talk. They will learn. They will be potty trained. They will go to school. They will grow up.

And.. It will all happen in the blink of an eye.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Followers