Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Do you ever feel....

At this moment, I feel like I am drowning. I am certainly drowning in my lack of understanding of the situation. I don't understand the plan. I don't know where we are going and I don't know where we are going to end up. I don't like this floating along on a piece of broken driftwood and not knowing how long it is going to keep me and my family afloat.

I am not certain of anything anymore. I am confused by life. I am feeling overwhelmed by it all. I do feel like I am on the losing end of it sometimes. I am oddly just as certain that this is where I am supposed to be. Is that odd? Does that make me odd?

 I am scared I will honestly admit that. I don't know what direction we will go. I see the fork; but feel like I have no choice in which path we take. I don't want a choice to be frank. I want God to make that choice. It is to scary to make on my own. God alone knows where he wants me to go and how I will get there. I just need to trust him to take me there.

I feel like that footprints poem.

Footprints in the Sand
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. 
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. 
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.

This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord,that if I followed you, you would walk with me always.
 But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”
The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”
Mary Stevenson, 1936

I am choosing to believe and I am choosing to be positive!! I am choosing God!!