I am becoming accepting of things I guess. I went online to see if there were any books on family and medical school. There really aren't that many. I found that odd. I know having a family in medical school is not the norm but is it so rare that no one has felt the need to write. I thought I would find hundreds of books, nope only about five.
This life is not easy. There are some days I absolutely hate it. Other days, I am accepting and okay mostly with the way things are and then there are the days I just don't care. We mustn't forget the fatalistic days of how are we going to come out on the other side, still a family. This life does not seem to want the student to have a family. They are going to be doctors, caring for others, but the school, the rotation sites, the residencies would rather they not have a family. They want them to be all young and single. They want the student to put school above all else. They should not be married. I sometimes wonder if my husband would have even been accepted to school if he had been married at the time he applied.
I am trying to be positive on the whole. I know it does not sound like it but I am. I must admit I don't like the place I am in right now. I don't like that medicine has forced me away from my home and my husband. I don't like that much of the time I feel like a burden on my husband. I know for a fact he does not feel that way, but sometimes the way things work out make me feel that way. I often feel that I am not the right person for my husband. I often cannot support what he needs to do. I do try, don't get me wrong, but often I just feel pissed off that it feels like medicine has won again. He doesn't like it either but yet, what choice is he given. It is either choose medicine or fail.
I know he enjoys medicine, for we would not be here in this place if he did not. It is what keeps me going. It is what keeps me doing what I do. It the thing that makes me eventually be accepting and someone okay with the choices that have to be made at the detriment of family. It is what makes me okay that I will for the most part be a single parent. However, I don't know that I could do it. I don't understand why it must be this way. I don't understand why someone, anyone has not tried to change the system. Have they and just not succeeded?
Anyway, just some introspective thoughts on life in medicine for the family. Anyone have input, please feel free to comment.