Monday, September 13, 2010

Immersed.. how about soaking wet!

I am becoming accepting of things I guess. I went online to see if there were any books on family and medical school. There really aren't that many. I found that odd. I know having a family in medical school is not the norm but is it so rare that no one has felt the need to write. I thought I would find hundreds of books, nope only about five.

This life is not easy. There are some days I absolutely hate it. Other days, I am accepting and okay mostly with the way things are and then there are the days I just don't care. We mustn't forget the fatalistic days of how are we going to come out on the other side, still a family. This life does not seem to want the student to have a family. They are going to be doctors, caring for others, but the school, the rotation sites, the residencies would rather they not have a family. They want them to be all young and single. They want the student to put school above all else. They should not be married. I sometimes wonder if my husband would have even been accepted to school if he had been married at the time he applied.

I am trying to be positive on the whole. I know it does not sound like it but I am. I must admit I don't like the place I am in right now. I don't like that medicine has forced me away from my home and my husband. I don't like that much of the time I feel like a burden on my husband. I know for a fact he does not feel that way, but sometimes the way things work out make me feel that way. I often feel that I am not the right person for my husband. I often cannot support what he needs to do. I do try, don't get me wrong, but often I just feel pissed off that it feels like medicine has won again. He doesn't like it either but yet, what choice is he given. It is either choose medicine or fail.

I know he enjoys medicine, for we would not be here in this place if he did not. It is what keeps me going. It is what keeps me doing what I do. It the thing that makes me eventually be accepting and someone okay with the choices that have to be made at the detriment of family. It is what makes me okay that I will for the most part be a single parent. However, I don't know that I could do it. I don't understand why it must be this way. I don't understand why someone, anyone has not tried to change the system. Have they and just not succeeded?

Anyway, just some introspective thoughts on life in medicine for the family. Anyone have input, please feel free to comment.


  1. I was thinking about you today wanted to call and can not seem to find my phone so is nice to read how you are doing. I think you should write a book then to help other wives or husbands going through what you are experiencing

  2. I'll be completely honest- this is the exact reason we turned down an MD school and attended a DO school. When my husband went to MD interviews and all the others there were 22-23 yr old single guys, then he went to DO interviews with men and women, young and older, married and not married, AND there was a support group for spouses!, we were hooked. The fact that there was something different out there, a place that cared about us as a whole. So, we may forever live with the stigma of being a DO instead of an MD, and med school was still incredibly taxing on our relationship, but I had an outlet, a support system, and a voice in his school. Moving to a new town for rotations has definitely brought the loneliness and bitterness out, but now that we have found a church home, my spirits have lifted. But that lack of support in the medical community is absolutely felt here. =( HUGS!

  3. My hubby is actually attending a DO school. They are not spouse friendly though. We tried to start a support group and they kept slapping our hands for one reason or another so we gave up.

  4. That really surprises me! I am actually the SAA Liaison on the national level to the AOA, and have worked with other SAAs who are getting up and going and battling administration... email me if you want to talk more about it or get some help and backing!

  5. Hubby is now a third year. We don't even live near the school anymore. It has been a couple of years since we gave up. They have no spouse support system still. They need one badly. However, they are not interested in my opinion or least didn't used to be. They are Jewish and create so many rules that it is impossible to have any event. They last straw for me was that I tried to have a craft night on a Wednesday and for some reason that was not acceptable. Anyway..