Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Countdown... and Comlex..

It has been a few days since I blogged. I finally told my honey that it was important to me that he was here for the birth of our child. I would understand if it was right before the test but if it was a week or so, it would upset me. I am glad I verbalized. He decided to come up to my sisters and leave each day to study but be here just in case. He surprised me and it was wonderful.

He has now flown back home to take Step 1 COMLEX. It is tomorrow. Please pray for him to do well. I am glad the test is finally happening while being nervous for him. He also has to take his rotation test on the following day, then he will fly back here and wait for baby to arrive.

I am due on Saturday. I can't hardly believe it, while I am so ready. I am hoping she waits until her Dad flies back on Friday. We have 2 days to wait basically. He will arrive first thing on Friday morning.

So we have a window because my mom is leaving on the 1st. She has been here almost 7 weeks, and to miss the birth of her grandchild after being here for so long, just seems wrong. My doctor told me he does not want me going more than a week overdue which is Oct 2nd, though he does not think I will make it that far. He did put me on the induction schedule. I don't want to be induced, I want to do this without pitocin thank you very much.

So.. we are on a countdown, T-11 days. I have a window in which I want to have her. After the 24th, but before the 1st. We all know though babies come when they want though.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Immersed.. how about soaking wet!

I am becoming accepting of things I guess. I went online to see if there were any books on family and medical school. There really aren't that many. I found that odd. I know having a family in medical school is not the norm but is it so rare that no one has felt the need to write. I thought I would find hundreds of books, nope only about five.

This life is not easy. There are some days I absolutely hate it. Other days, I am accepting and okay mostly with the way things are and then there are the days I just don't care. We mustn't forget the fatalistic days of how are we going to come out on the other side, still a family. This life does not seem to want the student to have a family. They are going to be doctors, caring for others, but the school, the rotation sites, the residencies would rather they not have a family. They want them to be all young and single. They want the student to put school above all else. They should not be married. I sometimes wonder if my husband would have even been accepted to school if he had been married at the time he applied.

I am trying to be positive on the whole. I know it does not sound like it but I am. I must admit I don't like the place I am in right now. I don't like that medicine has forced me away from my home and my husband. I don't like that much of the time I feel like a burden on my husband. I know for a fact he does not feel that way, but sometimes the way things work out make me feel that way. I often feel that I am not the right person for my husband. I often cannot support what he needs to do. I do try, don't get me wrong, but often I just feel pissed off that it feels like medicine has won again. He doesn't like it either but yet, what choice is he given. It is either choose medicine or fail.

I know he enjoys medicine, for we would not be here in this place if he did not. It is what keeps me going. It is what keeps me doing what I do. It the thing that makes me eventually be accepting and someone okay with the choices that have to be made at the detriment of family. It is what makes me okay that I will for the most part be a single parent. However, I don't know that I could do it. I don't understand why it must be this way. I don't understand why someone, anyone has not tried to change the system. Have they and just not succeeded?

Anyway, just some introspective thoughts on life in medicine for the family. Anyone have input, please feel free to comment.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Medicine and the price family pays

I want to be accepting of how things go, but sometimes I am just not. I have been at my sisters for a month. I will be here for the foreseeable future I guess. I was looking forward to hubby being here on the 17th but now that date has been changed to the 23rd.

I am getting more accepting of each time medicine shits on me, will I someday not care? I worry about that. Do other medical wives. I know he wants this, and I want him to have this because he wants it. Sometimes though, it feels like it will always be this way.

I am 37 weeks pregnant, I was hoping he would make it here for the birth of our second child. It now feels like that is just not going to happen and we just set it in stone that he would not be here.  I know I am being negative and I am trying to see the positives but at this precise moment .. I don't...

Please let me know if it gets better or will it always be this way.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Been a While..

It has been a while since I posted and quite a bit has happened...

I got very sick on Aug 5th I think it was. I ended up in L & D with severe pain, throwing up and just generally unwell. My hubby of course took me, we were there until something like 330 am. I was told I had gas and to take some mylicon and percoset for pain and I would be better. The pain was so bad I could not explain it, my whole rib on my left side, and my back. GAS.. really, well okay..

We went home, I continued to throw up and be in severe pain which percoset only helped for a bit, in that it would knock me out for a little while. Hubby missed a day of rotations because I was unable to care for myself much less our daughter of 21 months.

My sister called, and found out how sick I was, and basically got in the car immediately to come get me and take me to her house. She lives 7 hours away from me. She is a God-send. My dear hubby cannot miss rotations, they are not that understanding. I was far to sick to be able to do anything.

The pain did not go away. We got to my sisters on a Sunday night and I had gone to L & D I think on a Friday night. I was still throwing up everything, including water and in severe pain. We went to L & D up here and they quickly got an IV going and some real pain medicine in me. They checked me every which way to Sunday and found that I had a kidney stone. The hospital where I live said GAS and it was a kidney stone.. Wow..

I went to a friends close to the hospital and stayed the night and passed the stone, thankfully God broke it up for me and it was not painful to pass. WhooHoo for that one. I don't think I could have done it, I was so very weak from not eating and throwing everything up.

We went back to my sister's, and thought I was on the mend. I was still very weak but seemed to be doing better. I was even eating. Then about 2 days later, started having severe back pain on the other side and yep you guessed it. Throwing everything up.  Back to Hospital.

Again, immediate IV, severe dehydration and severe pain. Another kidney stone. They were sure, could not find a kidney stone, did not appear to be one this time. I was also contracting. I was not far enough alone to have the baby. Hospitalized, until I could eat and drink and the pain was manageable. 3 days.

Things were better but I was still not thriving, went back to doctor, he thought it was my gall bladder, sent to L & D again for blood work and monitoring. Yep, probably gall bladder.

So.. I am on a NON fat diet, which is not exactly tasty but I am doing better. I can keep food and water down. This kid is still hanging on, we are full term finally. Really only through God's Grace is she still cooking.
God really watched over me during this time.

and I must add thank God for sisters like mine.

I have not seen my DH in a month and still have two more weeks to go. I miss him so much, but it has probably been better for him, since he is studying for boards.