Friday, July 30, 2010

Yesterday, was not good day.

Yesterday was rough. Period. 

I did not sleep well so I started out tired. Which of course is always a good way to begin a stressful day. I got up at 6:30am which I would hate anyway. I am not, nor will I ever be a morning person. We were supposed to be at Kaiser at 7:00am at the lab for the glucose tolerance test. I had not eaten since 9:30pm the night before. I woke up cranky. I wish I could say this is not true but that would not be fact. I was definitely cranky. We finally got in the car a few minutes before 7:00am which made us get there later than when I wanted to be. This ultimately causes me to eat later, which affects my crankiness sadly. 

Anyway, I went in and got my fasting blood taken. I was happy to have gotten a phebotist who actually knew what he was doing. I did not even feel him stick me. It made the process somewhat more bearable than I had anticipated.  I then drank the nastiness that is the glucose drink. Yuck! 7:35am. My husband had to run home to get the stroller so I was there by myself, I went outside as it was warmer outside than inside, and called my mom. I was already feeling the ill-effects of the nasty drink. It made me feel, I don't know exactly how to word it, but lets just go with bad. I used the term "poo on a stick" frequently during the test. 

8:35am went in for second blow draw, oh how I love to have my blood taken. I got lucky and got the same guy again. James was my friend for those hours.  If you don't know me, then let me share. I fervently HATE needles and also use sarcasm especially in situations I don't like or don't feel comfortable in. I was getting very hungry and had proceeded from cranky to just plain old grumpy. I am here to tell you, that is a BAD combo especially if you happen to be my husband.

9:35am went in for third blood draw. Oh joy. I am feeling more and  more weak and unhappy to be doing this. I waited for James this time. I figured if I had to do, might as well go with someone who had proven capabilities. This test was taking forever. I was hating that I had to do in the first place. The hour between 9:35am and 10:35am was the worst. The previous hours I had walked around, trying to help those numbers I admit. However, this last hour was a battle of wills between me and my stomach. My stomach had decided enough was enough, and was working to eject said nasty drink. I was willing it NOT to. In consequence, we went outside and I laid on the grass and fought the internal battle of wills.

Finally 10:35am arrived. James was not in the room. Uh-oh. I asked for him, he was on his way back. Oh good. I was scared there for a minute. He came in, took my blood. I asked where a good close place to eat was. He informed me and off I went to eat. Finally.

My stomach started feeling better just at the thought that food was imminent. We went to the place that James had recommended. Hubby loved it. I hated it. I thought I was hungry enough to eat my own shoe, it turns out I was not hungry enough to eat food I felt tasted gross. I ended up eating and Arby's and scarfing my food. 

We went home for a while and I attempted to nap, but of course that was not to be. I got heartburn, then restless leg, then my neck started hurting. I was uncomfortable. So finally I got up. ARRRGGHHH

3:00pm Time for ultrasound with new Kaiser, I was told my hubby could come in at the end of the ultrasound. Okay, fair enough. I go there, called in. I am laying on my back. Anyone that has been pregnant can tell you, laying on your back at almost 32 weeks is un-fun. I could not breathe and keep having to get up. uuugghh Oh and 32 ounces of water drank in the hour before the ultrasound and someone pressing on bladder. Oh joy!! Finally I was able to go pee, then several more minutes go by. I have seen the baby, only the tech has. She won't turn the screen my way. She then says okay you can go get your husband. I clean up, trot out and get my husband and daughter. He comes in and I get back into position, the tech turns screen our way for oohhh about 2 minutes and says.. There is the baby. Huh... He waited in the waiting room for 30 minutes for 2 minutes of there's the baby. I was unimpressed. Side Note: Nothing wrong, just how this particular Kaiser does this. Again, unimpressed.

And.. if you all are wondering. I got the results from the glucose test as I was coming out of the ultrasound. Fail. You have gestational diabetes. Oh joy, let's cap my day off. 

I admit I cried. It will make this pregnancy which is already difficult enough, more so. Kaiser seems to make it even worse. They seem to want to treat you like you are a criminal when you are diagnosed with Gestational Diabetics.

Today I had a run in with Kaiser over the GDM but it came out right. So I won't go into it. I am trying to make this a  better day. I went to the library, best buy, and Target.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Good News

I have wonderful news to share. My hubby passed the make or break test. It clearly turned out to be a 'make' test. I am so proud of him, he worked very hard to pass this guy. It clearly showed. I admit I was nervous leading up to this guy. I did not know what God had in store for us.
It is a great sigh of relief. I had not realized I was almost holding my breath waiting to find out. I felt a huge weight fall off when hubby called with the wonderful news.
In other news, gosh I sound like a newscaster, Haha. I will be heading to NorCal myself this weekend. I will be staying with my sister and attending a dear friends baby shower. I admit I am excited on both counts. I am looking forward to seeing my sister. I miss her, simple as that. I honestly don't know how I would handle the distance if it weren't for the internet.
Well part of my post went into the abyss....grrrr

Monday, July 19, 2010

Husband Gone Again..

I really do need to get used to this. He is gone a lot lately, but it will be nothing compared to when he actually starts rotations. He is going to take the big bad boy test. The make or break test. Please pray for him. We hope to find out the results right away. The test is on Wednesday @ 10am. Please be thinking of him during this time.

I worry about how I will handle having two small children. I admit I am nervous. If I had a husband that worked 9-5 then I would not worry so much. However, the fact is he is not going to be around so very much. I know that God does  not give you more than you can handle but he does push you to the limits of what you are capable of. That is what I am concerned about.

I am excited about Little Sister. I am a little concerned about how Big Sister is going to deal with having to share her Mama. She is very Mommy-Oriented. She is getting more and more independent. I try to make sure she gets play time with other kids, through my mommy group, church and another mommy group I am part of. It is important I think for her independence.

She is talking more  and more. I am so very proud of her. She is doing pretty good potty training. Today was not her best day. She decided she did not want to pee on the potty at all today. I am hoping it was just a mood for today. She says baby, and kisses the belly but I am not sure she understands the whole concept of it.

She misses Daddy when he is gone, and will run to the door if she hears any noise and yell.. Dada!! Dada!! I know he is going to be gone so much over the next few years. I also know I will adjust with each move, how well is up for grabs. However, I do know that with change, adjustment is inevitable eventually. She will get used to Daddy being gone, just as I will.

Well, please keep honey in your prayers for the upcoming test, and for step one which is also coming up before you know it. I can't believe we are half way through July already, that I am only 10 weeks away from meeting Lil Sis. I am trying to keep that in mind since I have to take the 3 hour glucose test, that even if I am dx that it will only be for 9 weeks or less!! I can do that.. I can right!!!!

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Life in General..

Could it be any hotter..Doubtful.. It is 104 outside right now. I have found that I don't want to even step outside for any reason. Oh, I need to go to Target, no its just not that important.  I will go when it is a cool 89 outside tonight. I never thought I would think 89 was cool!! Wow.. Inland Empire definitely describes this place. HOT HOT HOT....

I am getting used to the area. I like it here. There is everything I might be interested in, here. I do have to say, I miss having close friends in the area. I miss my sister terribly bad. If I did not have the internet to talk to her daily, life would just not be okay at all.

Kidlet is adjusting very well on the whole. She loves having her toy area, and lots of boxes to get into. She is even eating meat. She is not a fan of the heat either though. When she naps, I have to put a fan on her, even with the ac set at 75. It is still hot. I know if I would leave the blinds closed it would be cooler, but I don't want to live like that. So, I let the sun in and then turn the ac up.

I am officially 30 weeks pregnant today. Wow, I can hardly believe it! In 10 weeks I will be holding a new infant. I am excited, very excited actually but really very nervous of being the mommy to TWO kids. There was a time I thought I would not be a mommy at all, it did not seem to be in the cards for me. Then God changed things so very quickly for me. I have to say as much as it is difficult I love it! It is the best job in the world.

Okay.. off to take that stupid Glucose test, for those that have never taken this test. I hope you never have too. You have to drink a bottle of pure sugar, sounds great.. Ummm no it tastes like poo on a stick. Then you have to wait an hour for someone to stick a needle in you. ( I hate needles) uuugghh

Friday, July 16, 2010

My daughter.. Joys and Frustrations..

I have a daughter that is 20 months old. She surprises me constantly. I love watching her mind work. I love seeing her learn new things, and say new words. She is stinking adorable, trust me. She gives me joy each day, I love watching her sleep, and hearing her laugh. I love everything about the kid I admit it. I could never have imagined how much I would love her until I had her.

She loves her mama just as much as her mama loves her. I love that I can make owie's better, and just the world a better place in her mind. I never knew how much fun it could be.

There is of course the other side of the coin. If you have children you know what I am talking about. The frustrations. Simple words that means so much. When they push you  to the edge, and you are so frustrated with them you don't even know what to do. How do you deal with that? I hate that feeling. I want to never be frustrated with my darling little girl, but I am pretty sure that is a hopeless wish. I wish it all the same.

I want to be the best mommy I can be, however I don't always succeed. I am trying though, and I guess that is what matters. That I want to be the best mommy for her and for Little Sister.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Life as a medical spouse

Really life as a medical spouse is about to gear up.. I cannot say I am looking forward to it. It has not been an easy 4 years. It is most likely going to be an even harder next two. After that then we have residency. I know that is just going to be horrible for me.
I used to be one of those women who if I didn't see the guy I was dating for days or even weeks, that was fine. Now I find myself missing my honey so much if I don't see him or talk to him. I know it is because I love him and I did not love any of the other guys, but it sure would make things a whole lot easier if I could go days on end without needing to see him.
He has to start really gearing up on the studying, he has another test and boards coming. He will be starting at a hospital near us in the next few weeks as well. We have a close friend that is rotating at the same place and they are kicking his butt. I am so not looking forward to that.
I often wonder what God was thinking when he put me with my hubby. I don't know that I was cut out for the medical spouse lifestyle. I think I am getting better at it, but I don't like it even a little bit. I often wish I had a hubby with a  9-5 job. I know that will never be. Maybe someday when he is actually an attending doctor but that is so many years from now, it seems unreal to me.
I am worried what life is going to be like with two smalls and only me around. I worry that it will be to hard. I worry that I won't do well because it will just be me. I never wanted to be a single mom, but I am essentially just that. It is part and parcel of being a medical spouse. I know my children's father will miss out on so much, and they will miss out on him. It is sad to me. I know though that he wants this so much and because of that , I support it wholeheartedly. I have learned you don't have to like something to support it.
Interesting huh!!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Wonder Why?

Sometimes I wonder what motivates people. Is it greed, anger, love, mercy, hope, distrust, want etc. It can be many things depending on the person I guess. I also wonder why people feel the need to impinge their problem on someone else. By problem I mean, whatever drives them to act badly. Why do people feel the need to drop all that on someone else who has nothing to do with whatever their issue is. I think some people need others to feel bad to make themselves feel good, others I think are so wrapped up in their own selfishness that they are completely unaware of what their actions might do to others around them. Whatever the reason I makes me wander down the path of just not understanding.
Sometimes it is not even you it is happening to but to someone else. I think it is harder then because you want to fix the issue and have absolutely no power in which to do so. All you can do is pray in both situations yours and someone elses.
I know God uses all things for his good, but sometimes it takes a long time to see what he is up too. I guess in that case you learn faith.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Lots of good stuff!!

So.. Hubby is in NorCal and will be driving our things here on Thursday. I am so excited about putting the house together finally. We don't have a lot of furniture right now and will still need a couch since we don't currently own one, but I am sure we will find one soonish!!

We saw my hubby's brother this weekend and it was enjoyable. He is heading back to Virginia where he recently moved, so hubby won't get to see him that often. I would hate being that far away from my sister but I guess them being men it is probably easier for them.

We saw my new doctor here in Southern Cali, Kaiser. I really liked him. I still need to go over to the other Kaiser office and fill out paperwork to transfer records, and I have to take my glucose test again. Uuuugghhh I hate that thing, but hopefully I pass it and that will be all I have to do.

L's insurance is still not active here in SoCal but hopefully soon. I am just trying to be patient and not get upset that it is taking so long. I am sure it will be active soon!!!!!!

We found out that a friend will be staying not far from us for about 6 weeks, they are having a tough situation, not mine to disclose but just pray for God to watch out for them, and provide for them.

On the whole I am liking our new area, and drama with the certain family member has been nixed. I have to admit mostly due to my deciding I was not playing the game anymore. It has been more peaceful in my mind ever since. We might still have an issue depending .. we will see what happens. I have decided I am not playing anymore period. So...

We are still working on names for Little Sister, if anyone has a name they like please let me know. We are interested since we can't seem to come up with it on our own. We will be getting a 3D ultrasound in a couple of weeks, I am excited to see what Little Sister looks like.

Friday, July 2, 2010

First SoCal Dr. Appt

Well today will be my very first doctor appointment in Southern California. I have to redo some paperwork that Northern California has but at least I don't have to redo any blood tests, not that I was actually going to.. LOL.. They thought they were going to make me though, so....
I am a little nervous, I had my doctor for years and loved him. He was there all the way through L and has been through this point with Little Sister. I hope my new doctor is wonderful. I am always nervous with new doctor. Though if he/she is crappy, I will turn to hubby and say ... "you better not ever do that" He will say "I know, I know".
So.. We will see, we will hopefully get to hear her heartbeart today, I always enjoy that.